


Tears aren't quiet things

by ForeverDoesntExist



Series: Eurovision Song Challenge [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: EurovisionSongChallenge, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Russia, scream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:54:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22592860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverDoesntExist/pseuds/ForeverDoesntExist
Summary: Sometimes you need just someone that can hear them.(Reordered/Simple timeline version)
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Series: Eurovision Song Challenge [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1620127
Comments: 11
Kudos: 78





	Tears aren't quiet things

**Author's Note:**

> This series was already published in February but the drabbles were not in the correct order and it was a mess :P So I reordered so it makes more sense for yall :P Just follow the next button haha
> 
> So for today, we haveeee Russia (2019) - Scream by Sergey Lazarev.
> 
> I absolutely adore this song and I hope this makes any sense to you :P

**I'll swallow hard, fall apart**

**Break and bleed but you won't see**

**Tears won't fall**

**While pride stands tall**

**Maybe they can't be heard or seen**

**But tears aren't quiet things**

**They scream, they scream**

_Defeated champion…_

_He’s ready to retire…_

_Why won’t he just step down?_

_An embarrassment…_

_He’s too old…_

_Is he really that arrogant? To think he can still take on the new generation of skaters?_

_Not enough anymore…_

“Yuzu?”

Once again, Brian found himself carefully approaching the figure leaning against one of the wooden pillars around the ice rink. It was becoming more and common to find Yuzuru leaning against walls, doors, sitting on the floor after a bad session, just lost between his world and the real one.

At first, his coaches decided to just give him space and time, it was normal for him to still be trapped inside his own mind trying to find new strategies and corrections to his layouts.

Nobody really dared to ask him about anything after a particular bad competition, in this case, after some bad competitions. Which in Brian’s opinions hadn’t been bad at all considering the skater’s schedule, he couldn’t imagine himself go through the same ordeal and not ending up with a concussion or passing out in the middle of the arena.

Ending up second on a national championship was truly the less of their problems.

Obviously, Yuzuru didn’t think as much.

“Yes?”

“You okay there?” Brian tried to ask him the same question he would throw at him every day. Some days he would get something, other days…nothing. He understood that he needed time to heal but closing himself inside his own dark place and ignoring caution for the sake of landing a jump was not the way to go.

“I’m fine.”

“Listen, if there’s anything I can help with-”

“You can’t help, nobody can.”

Always the same answer. He wondered if sometimes Yuzuru even heard him. The training sessions mostly began with Yuzuru listening to the planned exercises and then proceeding to ignore every single one of them and stuck with his usual routine.

The one that Ghislain had prepared for him whenever they tried to land his quad Axel.

“Please, Yuzuru…I’ve talked with Tracy and Ghislain and this can’t go on.”

“I see, you talk behind back now?” Yuzuru was picking up a fight and Brian was honestly tired. He didn’t know what to do or how to help someone that didn’t want any in the first place.

He needed someone that could somehow understand him better than his coaches ever would.

“It’s not like that, we are just worried.”

“I don’t need your worry,” Yuzuru fixed his training gear and after zipping up his jacket, without ever looking at his coach, he took off, “it won’t fix my problems.”

* * *

“Please, we need your help.”

“You really think he will listen to me?”

“He won’t listen to us or his own mother, please…”

“I can’t just go, Brian.”

“Okay, I understand.” He truly did, but he still had some hope. “I’m just so scared Javi, it’s like we are losing him day by day and it scares me so much, but I get it, you have your own life now…we’ll find another way don’t worry about us.”

* * *

“What are you doing?”

His question rang through the empty rink and for a moment he felt sorry that he would scare the younger one. However, his voice alone was enough for Yuzuru to recognize without even turning around or moving from his place.

“Why are you here?”

“To see a friend, the real question is why you are sitting on the floor like someone kicked you.”

Javier wanted to go home and forget the sight before him. The club was apparently done with its practices for the day and the only reason the rink was even open was because of a lone figure sitting by himself in the middle of the ice.

When he spotted him, Javier thought that perhaps Yuzuru was just meditating or whatever he did when he slipped into that creepy absent state of mind.

Wouldn’t be the first time that he found him staring at a wall mumbling about speed and rotations. That was how Yuzuru worked and it had never really alarmed him.

Except this time, he wasn’t just sitting there. As he walked around him, in order to finally look at him, Javier could see how his silent tears just fell from his eyes, silently.

Yuzuru didn’t sob, he didn’t make a noise. And that scared Javier the most.

“Just leave me alone.”

“I’m just worried about you Yuzu-”

That seemed to make him snap from his trance and when he looked up to him, Javier felt like his blood had completely frozen. That wasn’t a look filled with sadness or self-misery, that was a look of resentment and hurt. A look that intended to hurt someone as they had hurt him.

“Oh, now you care?”

He had never known how much his departure had affected his training mate. He had never thought much about it until Brian’s phone call a few days ago.

Javier had always assumed that he would be the one to forever take the hit in silence and never expected Yuzuru to really acknowledge whatever it was they had going on between for seven years. It was exhausting to think about it and it brought more pain to Javier than to simply push back any wandering thoughts to the back of his mind.

“I’ve always cared, you were the one that never really saw it.”

“Go back to Spain or wherever you came from.”

That hurt. But he knew better than just take his words at heart. Yuzuru for all his calculated moves and plans, never really thought twice about his words when angry or tired. Again, this wasn’t the first time that he would witness his ex-training mate spit venomous words at his way.

But this time, he wouldn’t just let him push him away.

“So this is your plan? To just sit here feeling sorry for yourself?”

“What?”

Javier felt somewhat proud that that sparked something out of him, as he looked down at him and kept on his best taunting tone, “So what if you lost the titles? Get back to work and go get them back.”

“Doesn’t matter what I do,” Yuzuru wiped the tears from his eyes and Javier almost cried himself as he saw his shoulders sag and he didn’t even try to fight back, “I can’t win, maybe with quad axel but even that is not working anymore.”

Brian was right. They were losing him.

“You’re not landing the jumps because you’re overthinking it, I know you Yuzu, you can’t throw yourself into training if you keep replaying your past mistakes over and over again inside your head.”

“I just feel…I just don’t want to lose again.”

“Then retire.”

“No!”

There it was. That fire that had made Javier fall in love with him in the first place.

Yuzuru still had so much to give to this sport. Quad Axel or not, Yuzuru wouldn’t retire as long as he hadn’t satisfied himself, no matter what other people expected of him.

“If you’re not ready to lose again then your only option is to retire. Simple.”

“I won’t.”

“Then stop listening to other people, stop watching past competitions. You know what you did and you know what you need to fix. Enough of self-pity parties and get back to work so you can go out there and prove everyone wrong.”

He knew he sounded harsh, he knew that he had never raised his voice like that at him. Yuzuru seemed to finally listen to him and the cold mask that he had obviously kept up for a long time finally broke. Tears fell down his face again but this time, they were no longer silent.

“It hurts, Javi.” And somehow Javier knew that he wasn’t talking about any possible physical injury. He spoke of something that couldn’t be easily fixed, he spoke of something that only time and inner strength could ever help him overcome. "It hurts and nobody hears."

“I know.” He sat down next to him and pulled him into his arms, they were completely alone and if he were, to be honest, he didn’t exactly care if someone saw them.

Yuzuru needed him, he needed someone that knew exactly what he was going through and still made it intact to the other side.

And Javier needed him aswell, they might not share a podium or even a rink again, but Javier still needed him in his life in anyway that he could have him.

A few minutes later, perhaps hours, Yuzuru’s shoulder slowly stopped shaking but he didn’t let go of him just yet, with his face still buried on the sweaty mop of hair, he asked him, “Let me drive you home?”

“I don’t want to go home.”

“Why?”

It was getting late and soon Yumi would be calling their coaches asking for him. he had done his part, but he couldn’t be selfish enough to keep Yuzuru by his side any longer.

He had learned to let go a long time ago.

“Because you’re not there.”

Javier almost choked on air after hearing his soft words, and again his thin shoulders trembled as sobs wrecked trough him once more.

Javier’s decision was made.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Yuzu.”

He turned him around, still in his arms and cupped his face in order to keep him still and looking at him. Yuzuru no longer looked sad or disappointed or defeated…he just looked afraid.

That was enough for Javier to lean in and whisper against his lips, “I’m not leaving.”

Yuzuru gasped and Javier could feel small hands desperately grasping his shirt. For how long had they avoided this?

“I hear them Yuzu. I always heard them.”

**I'll swallow hard, fall apart**

**Break and bleed but you won't see**

**Tears will fall, I hear them all**

**They scream**


End file.
